Our marketing department desperately needs your assistance. Please, put down whatever you’re doing right now (save for surgeons and those seeking world records in hippopotamus-juggling) and help them make sure that folks know how to spell our name!

A typical scenario goes like this: You’re at a moonshine-tasting, and some gentleman with a large, gravy-clotted beard looks at your trousers and exclaims, "Lordy! Where in tarnation you git them fine breeches?" You kindly pass on the gospel of Cordarounds, but by the time this curious fellow sits down at his computer, he’s typing in "Roundaroys," "Cordohboys," or "Roundandaroundandarounds.com." He may even be doing this on a manual typewriter, which makes finding our Web site even more difficult.

So, dear Cordarounds enthusiasts, if you cannot avoid future moonshine tastings, opium bees, or peyote fun-runs, make sure that you’re carrying our new trading cards to help convey the important transfer of Cordarounds brand knowledge.



That's right: With the release this week of beautiful, navy blue Cordarounds with Saipan liners, we issue our first batch of official Cordarounds trading cards -- tokens you can pass out to curious hill folk, trouser enthusiasts, and the women who will invariably want to know more about the man in the horizontal corduroy pants. For investment purposes, we also suggest that you place a few in a hermetically sealed vault, as they are sure to soon rival XFL cards in value!




Each pack of trading cards comes with new collections of photos of our pants in action -- mostly pictures submitted by folks like you!

 

 

It’s our way of thanking our customers for their support. It’s also our way of giving our marketing staff a couple weeks off, so they can focus on diffusing tensions between North and South Korea.

 

In response to reports this week of trouserless hordes rampaging through America's public transit systems, the President has raised the national pant-threat level to an unprecedented brown!






Thank goodness this spate of bottomless bedlam coincides with the release of a special batch of Cordarounds brown britches! Why, what better way to show your support for the rule of law than by wearing a pair of these trousers, lovingly crafted by the Internet's all-American haberdashery -- in coordination with the Department of Homeland Security.


On the outside, they’re a rich, full-bodied brown -- much like that of a Kodiak bear, his fur glistening from a fresh kill. Inside, however, you'll find a sublime Opiate liner, so named because it conjures up visions of a far gentler milieu. (Remember those dreamy weeks in the Orient, curled up in the darkened corner of Baron Chou's basement brothel, tethered to an opium pipe? Now you surely will.)


These limited-edition corduroy trousers are live in our store. Rest assured you'll be the envy of panted and pantless patriots alike when you slip on a pair of these brown beauties.


What can you do to stop pantlessness in America? Click here to purchase a pair of Cordarounds. Or click here to join a trouser militia in your hometown.

What's Black Friday? Why, that's the day when retailers rejoice as their balance sheets pass at last from red to black. To sentimental companies like Cordarounds, it's a holiday more momentous than Easter, Independence Day, and Christmas combined. But why is there no Easter Bunny, Uncle Sam, or jolly St. Nick to represent Black Friday? Why doesn't this venerable holiday have its own Tom Turkey, Guy Fawkes, or Elvira?


Because this Friday is so very important to the health of our economy, Cordarounds recently convened an emergency meeting at the National Department of Commerce and Folklore to create a roster of mascots sure to raise consumer confidence during this all-important holiday.

For your consideration:

1. Ulysses the Unicorn:  Legend has it that one moonless night many ages ago, the mighty black unicorn Ulysses, brave Equine Lord of the Magick Realm, did gallop through the tiny village at the foot of the Mystic Mountain , whinnying and neighing in dismay, for none of the shoppes were advertising blowout sales. So as Ulysses clippity-clopped down the cobblestone street, he did perforate all the shoppe signs with his deadly obsidian horn, slashing their posted prices as he went.

2. Olaf the Bear Slayer: Throughout December 1993, holiday shoppers in the Yukon Territory stayed indoors due to an explosion in the black bear population. Even trips to the outhouse and the smokehouse were postponed for fear of bear mauling. That is, until Olaf Pfinkle, legendary hockey enforcer from the Sookum Flyers, escaped from an insane asylum. He quickly took to the streets, slashing bears he mistook as hirsute defensemen from the Klondike Marmots. Suffice it to say, Mother Nature's ursine siege was lifted, and the territory's shopping-starved citizens soon swarmed its six or seven stores, consuming with a fury no less savage than Pfinkle himself.

Ever since, families celebrate Black Friday with a hearty meal of braised bear loin stuffed with bear cub, which is then stuffed with a harlequin duck -- a dish commonly known as Grrrr-ducken.

3. Torro the Toro: For most of the year, Benito the Bull lives an unassuming life on the professional rodeo tour. But on Black Friday, he dons his black mask and becomes Torro! -- savage stimulator of holiday sales. The cleverly disguised beast can be seen rampaging through America 's malls, shopping centers, and discount outlets, chasing terrified consumers off the streets and into places of commerce. Penny-pinchers and nay-saying economists beware: get bullish about fantastic after-Thanksgiving savings, lest the horns of this mysterious masked beast gouge the letter "T" into your midsection.

Every autumn, millions of American men tragically go pantless while their fellow citizens turn a blind eye.

This is the terrible affliction known as Pantlessteria -- more commonly referred to as Sansapant Syndrome, Trousernot, or Nay Slacks disease.

Fortunately, there is a cure -- and it's just clicks away at Cordarounds.com. That's where our scientists, in partnership with the National Institutes of Health and Johns Hopkins University, are working around the clock to develop Bike to Work pants, horizontal-corduroy trousers, and other solutions to this most pressing problem.

From hip to heel, Cordarounds has you covered. But don’t be fooled by home remedies for pantlessness or black market imitations (see below). You can only buy our pants online.

During Pants Awareness Month, Cordarounds needs your help. Please send us photos of yourself flashing the sign of trouser victory (on right), so that we can build a trillion-pixel pyramid of pant pride. Yes, email those images to chris AT cordarounds.com, and together we'll cure the world of pantlessness -- on the streets, at home, in bed, even in the shower.

Are you pantless and in need of immediate assistance? Call 1-800-694-9491 or visit our catalog.

Yes, our famed Bike-to-Work pants are back and we're celebrating the arrival of the autumnal time change with a contest on the Web's famed DIY site, Instructables.com.  

 

Watch over the next month as ingenious makers create novel ways to Light up the night, and if you're handy man, you can compete to win an Urban Awareness Jacket or new pair of Cordarounds pants.

 

With times a changin' and evening rides getting darker, consider a pair of reflective bike-to-work pants for your next commute.   You can find 'em in our catalog.

 

 

Continue reading " ROLLIN' LIGHTNIN' : NOV. 3 : VISIBLE FROM SPACE " »

SAN FRANCISCO, Sept. 3 – In a landmark climate-change study conducted jointly by the National Weather Center and Cordarounds, makers of casual, horizontal seersucker pants (now on sale in our store), researchers have determined that increased levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere will fuel scorching summer weather nationwide until at least mid-October. As a result, the Presidential Advisory Council on Science and Fashion has taken the unprecedented step of calling for an immediate and indefinite suspension of the so-called "No White After Labor Day" law.

Continue reading " Climatologists Assail "No White After Labor Day" Rule. " »

This week, the Newspaper of Record proclaimed that Cauliflower ears are in!  -- old news to Cordarounds readers who were tipped off on this fashion trend back in 2006. This proves, once again, that life imitates art and horizontal corduroy remains on the bleeding edge of style and suffering.

Continue reading " Cordarounds Scoops The New York Times " »

Cordarounds is in every sense a global enterprise -- well, excluding the World Music sense. So while we're a humble, two-man business making clothing in San Francisco, the fact that we only sell online means that you, dear customer, must compete for our latest styles with the likes of fashion-conscious Belarusian mobsters, Papuan New Guinea tribesman and members of the Easter Island Elks Lodge, to name just a few.

Today we're embracing our World Wide Web identity by renaming our company ÇØRDÅRØÜÑDS, a name that's appropriately international, but one that we have no idea how to pronounce.

Continue reading " Cordarounds Changes Name to ÇØRDÅRØÜÑDS " »

COUNTY KERRY, Ireland (Feb. 5, 2008) -- Angry, naked and cold, several hundred sheep gathered today in the Beaufort town square to protest the recent loss of their resplendent ebony wool, a situation organizers have called nothing less than a total fleecing of their basic ovine rights. Amid a chorus of bleating and chattering teeth, the so-called "Frozen Flock" claimed that overwhelming demand for Cordarounds authentic black sheep crewneck sweaters has robbed them of their fine black coats, leaving them, quite literally, out in the cold during the icy Irish winter.

Continue reading " BLACK SHEEP DENUDED, ENRAGED " »

The White House today announced a partnership with the online clothier Cordarounds to develop updated guidelines for the Presidential Physical Fitness Award, a move administration officials say will mirror the military’s newly relaxed age and fitness requirements.

“Whether on the front lines of the War on Terror, or the front of the line at one of this country’s many fine all-you-can-eat buffets, Americans simply can no longer measure up to traditional standards of fitness,” an anonymous White House source said. “Therefore, we are encouraging all citizens to get active in this new, reduced capacity.”

Continue reading " Cordarounds Presents: Presidential Fitness for Adults " »

Congratulations to Sioux Bonforte and Olaf Pitz, who wore reversible smoking jackets to victory in last weekend's World Synchronized Mountain Dancing championships, held in Interlaken, Switzerland. The couple performed these death-defying stunts to Ravel's Bolero, receiving perfect 10s in presentation and technical merit.

 

 

Cordarounds are as counter-cultural as it gets when it comes to corduroy -- precisely 90 degrees different from the norm.   So it comes as no surprise that they would be worn to victory in the Fringe Festival by Laurent Martini, frontman of Live Evil.  

Note the effect the horizontal cords have on women, a species that nobody understands better than Martini, who penned such sexually astute songs as Blow Me as a teen, and now performs them to adoring adult audiences worldwide.

 To listen to Live Evil, visit their Myspace page.

Ever heard of Yahoo.com? It's a plucky young Internet company that's hot on the Cordarounds trend. Now you can outfit Instant Messaging avatars in the latest Cordarounds fashions (as well as dinosaur feet and menacing robotic hands.) With this ambitious Internet partnership, they hope to Rock the Rounds all the way to the top of the Internet food chain. Well, we invite Yahoo to dream big and invite Cordarounds customers to visit their Website en masse.

Caution: Please don't hit their site at the same time, as you may overwhelm their servers.

 

Click here to enter the Cordarounds Avatar World.

Cordarounds fans in NYC now have a forum to celebrate the waled wondercloth.  On November 11th (11/11) you're welcome to attend the semi-annual meeting (the other one's on 1/11) of New York's Corduroy Club. 

Last year, Cordarounds won the coveted award for Exemplary Usage of Corduroy--an honor that was chronicled by none other than the New Yorker.

This is only the 3rd meeting of the Corduory club, so it's fun to participate in the creation of something that, one day, could be as big as the Shriners.   Here's everything you need to know.  If this is too small for you to read, click here.

Newsweek magazine reported that buying a pair of Cordarounds is like joining a weird club. Which got us thinking: In our haste to produce the world’s finest horizontal corduroy pants, had we forgotten to offer our customers a sense of esprit de corps? While our engineers work tirelessly to devise a proper fight song and Latin motto, there’s one thing we can give you that’s sure to impart an immediate sense of camaraderie.

Introducing the official Cordarounds handshake:

Consider this the key that opens the door to Club Cordarounds. When you spy a Lindland’s pant wearer working the door at a popular night spot, extend a hand and in you go. Apply it when interviewing for a job and say no more (particularly within the military industrial complex).

Yes, the benefits of Cordarounds ownership are vast and real. Here are but a few:

-The eternal enmity of zebras and striped bass.
-A standing $5 discount at San Francisco's smallest Pub, the Blackhorse.
-If you spot the Cordarounds prize panther (and it doesn’t maul you) you can win up to $1 trillion dollars.
-A certain optimism.
-When arm wrestling, a certain over-the-toptimism.
-Guaranteed favoritism when applying for work on the Cordarounds Zeppelin
-Shave .003 off your personal best in the corduroy pants 100M dash.

Know that when you buy a pair of Cordarounds, you’re joining a worldwide fraternity of pant wearers with an eye for fashion and a taste for adventure. You’re forging a lifelong bond with the likes of Kip McCorkle of Duluth, Minnesota, Prime Minister Renaldo Orio of the Republic of San Merengue, Inuit shaman Taqukaq, and the entire roster of the Yotohiro Stink Dragons of the Japanese Baseball League.

If you have any suggestions, whatsoever, about how to make this a club that rivals the Freemasons or Skull and Bones in global influence, by all means, let us know.

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SAN FRANCISCO, Sept. 21 — Say farewell to Metro. All hail the dawn of the Cromagnosexual. This fall, the most stylish men on the planet are wearing Cordarounds’ hearty horizontal-corduroy pants ...and "suffering" moderate to severe cases of cauliflower ear.

The medical community calls it "destruction of cartilage due to trauma that results in a thickened and deformed ear," but leading fashionistas from New York to Shanghai report that these funky lobes will be cruising the runways in ’06. Accompanied, of course, by pairs of Cordarounds, long recognized as the perfect pant for today's hottest rugby injuries.

Famed trend seer Coco Pitts explained the new Cromagno look thusly: "A pair of Cordarounds trousers not only looks scrum-ptious, the meshing, horizontal corduroy wales reduce crotch-heat friction, sending sperm counts skyrocketing to caveman levels. Combine that with cauliflower ear -- a trademark occupational hazard of the Neanderthal -- and you’ve got a hot look that says, 'I'm a hunter-gatherer who works hard – and plays violently! I'm Cromagno!"

Indeed, the formerly Metro are hurrying to join the maul in the hopes of getting that perfect, mangled ear to complement their new pair of Cordarounds. What’s more, plastic surgeons are reporting a sharp increase in the number of patients requesting cosmetic cauliflowerings. Says Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland: “Naturally, the rough and tumble will be drawn to our hearty trousers in 2006, creating a style combination that’s going to be hard to beat -- even with a caveman's club.”

Lindland then removed a pair of earmuffs to reveal his own swollen and malformed ear stubs. "Cromagno," he declared, briefly wincing at the pain.

*If you have a photo of yourself wearing Cordarounds and would like to complete the look with a rugger's cauliflower ear (but want to spare yourself the dangers of the scrum), write us and we'll send you a Cauliflower ear of your very own.

 

**Your comments are always welcome.

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