Why is every word in this newsletter linked? Let us explain.

Cordarounds, an online-only clothier, relies on word-of-mouth advertising to spread the gospel of our apparel inventions. And, as responsible citizens of the Internet, we know that asking folks to SEND TO A FRIEND puts them in the uncomfortable position of being a pest. So our engineers have devised the most forwardable e-mail in Internet history. In addition to the slo-mo fashion food-fight video we've filmed (see above), each and every word of this e-mail hyperlinks to one of a plethora of Web oddities submitted by our loyal customers.

So, in addition to inviting you to visit Cordarounds.com, home of fashion phenomena like USArounds, Discoballrounds and, of course, Cordarounds, we encourage you to spend the remainder of your previously productive workday clicking around this advertisement. With such a rich bounty of links, it would simply be bad Netiquette not to pass it on.

Every Tuesday at precisely noon Pacific, Cordarounds releases new, limited edition fashions, and we want to be sure you know about them as soon as possible -- hence the atomic-clock-verified, 12:00:00:00:00 timing of this newsletter.

Difficult as it is to believe, not every San Franciscan receives these critical e-mail updates. So, as a matter of public service, our engineers set about to design a system to alert the rest of the city that it’s time to (a) make sure you’re wearing pants and (b) if not, proceed immediately to Cordarounds.com.



The result? An ingenious system of fashion Klaxons throughout this fair metropolis -- mighty horns that provide a deafening audio alert when the appointed hour arrives. Did you hear it?


Maybe you missed this sartorial siren because you were stuffing your ears with cookie dough. Or perhaps you were burrowing underground with your mole friends. Well, relax: watch this video to relive the pants-mania that swept through San Francisco just moments ago.

Every week, from here to eternity, we’ll be releasing limited batches of brilliant fashion ideas. Talented folks like Dave and Tim (visit our store to see) who’ve dazzled us with contributions to our photo galleries will earn an advance pair of pants, so they can instruct the masses on the proper use of our latest products.

Look forward to the fashion Klaxon every Tuesday at noon PDT (Pant Declaration Time). And tell your pant-wearing friends across the country to prepare for our national alert system, scheduled to be in place by early 2013, if not sooner.

Yes, millions await the Monday finale of Cordarounds' Christmas Saga, Lazenby Sleighs Santa.  Will our hero survive the jaws of the orca and complete his mission to slay Santa?  Or will Kris Kringle's reign of perverse terror continue for another year?

Today, I received a Lazenby-themed Christmas carol from the insanely-talented Colin Stuart, a horizontal corduroy pant wearer from LA who predicts a pleasant outcome to our holiday saga.  Click and listen as Cordarounds' romantic spokesman assumes the gift-giving role of St. Nick and replaces the sleigh with an Airstream trailer driven by a team of Walruses (which he refers to as Walrii--a decision that will be debated by wildlife grammarians for ages.) 

Continue reading " THE CORDAROUNDS CHRISTMAS CAROL! " »

Let us explain.  We didn't plan to send out an announcement this week.  That is, until this piece of Cordarounds customer-generated genius arrived in our inbox.  It is nothing short of astonishing.

Never before have ninjas, pants and reggae-isms shared the same lyrical stage as beautifully as they do in this, our newest anthem.  Please, click below and delight in the absurdity as much as we have.

Let the Cordarounds reggae theme song ring loud and proud from office cube to office cube.  And let it inspire songsmiths from other genres to compose themesongs of their own.

Continue reading " AT LAST: THE CORDAROUNDS THEMESONG " »

Many an adventurer has asked us, "Can the Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket survive the boat-thirsty, Narwahl-infested waters of the North Atlantic?”  Our stock answer has always been: "Aye, me hearty. "  But when we discovered that our fearless friend Bill Bowles planned to don his smoking jacket and brave these tempestuous seas in the frozen heart of winter, we began to worry.

Continue reading " TRUE TALES OF HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE " »

Like all great underdog tales -- Rocky, The Karate Kid, Meatballs -- the favorite takes off to a commanding lead.  But when all seems lost, our hero finds the can-do magic in his soul and valiantly fights back. Today, we find Bill confidently astride a Mongolian steed wearing Cordarounds and discussing sardines. Something tells me that today, Bill's birthday, the tide will surely turn.

Each month, Cordarounds pays Google $1,000 to attract people who are seeking information on things like "seersucker shorts." "corduroy pants" or "the whereabouts of Buck Kentucky." The results have been as reliable and exciting as investing in government bonds.

As men foolish enough to make pants for a living, we eventually got to wondering: Why is Cordarounds just investing in T-bills when the company could also be investing in other, more risky bills -- namely, Bill Bowles, member of an elite cadre of Cordarounds-sponsored athletes and also creator of mynameisbill.com? And as our flight of fancy began to soar, we thought: Gee, why don't we orchestrate a contest between this globetrotting adventurer who proudly owns the 8 billionth most-popular site on the Web and the most powerful Internet company in the world?

Why? Because at Cordarounds, we root for the underdog. After all, every day at Cordarounds is an uphill battle against the Goliath known as Vertical Corduroy, the vile, monolithic fashion bloc that brainwashes the masses with its medieval, un-aerodynamic pants.

So for the next 30 days, it’s Bill versus Google. We’re sending a thousand bucks to Mountain View and 10-hundred crisp greenbacks to Mongolia, or wherever
Bill happens to be. Then we'll see whose Web site sells the most Cordarounds.

Google offers tracking code to alert us when they ring up a sale. Bill offers no such technology. So if you're a fan of mynameisbill.com, simply write "Bill" or other words of underdog encouragement in the comments section of the order form. We'll report who's winning each week.

The current tally:

Bill: 0 Google: 0

Bill and Google supporters will still find many great deals left on Summerounds and Shortarounds in our store. But act quick, because these arch rivals will be working overtime to send buyers to snatch up the last of our seersuckers and cleverly-lined shorts. CLICK TO VISIT OUR STORE.

Add another name to the roster of legendary Cordarounds test pilots: Stephane Cros, the world's first seer-sonic shredder.  May he rest in peace.

Each and every man who straps on a pair of our aerodynamic shorts or trousers soars, falcon-like, into a world of blinding velocity; this is a fact. Yet, there are those who push the envelope further still, names like Wellington Stack, Bosco Breedlove and Trippy Frost -- men and indefatigable toddlers who gave their lives in the name of pant science.

So, we should not have been surprised when inventor, Stephane Cros, requested a pair of size-40 seersucker shorts for what he described as high-speed, aqua-aerobatic research. You won't believe what you see in this incredible video.

Honor the Flying Cros by forwarding his final moments on to a friend, or, better yet, by purchasing a pair of seersucker shorts or trousers of your own -- ideally, a pair that needn't accommodate a wetsuit and kite-surf harness. Click the shorts below to visit our catalog.