Let's say your last name isn't O'-something. And you don't root for the Celtics or the Fighting Irish. You don’t drink Guinness, and you're not liable to chuckle when hearing a Dubliner declare, "Lig sé broim." So why on Earth would you need these pants?

Because they're the world's luckiest pants, the only trousers to feature the Omnipotent Seal of Good Fortune: a four-leaf clover festooned with the number 7, a dollar sign, a horseshoe, and an Egyptian scarab.



Yes, these charmed trousers are guaranteed to raise your luck by at least .000777%, and who couldn't use that when gambling, golfing, or gadding about.



In addition to the Omnipotent Seal, these pants feature gold-lined cuffs you can fold up and display proudly, leaving no doubt as to whom the gods truly favor.



Yes, they're the world's luckiest pants, and they're yours today for $100. St. Patty's celebrators from the East Coast are advised to purchase immediately, so your package can take flight today or tomorrow, guaranteeing delivery by the 16th.


BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! Folks who pick up a pair today will receive a FREE t-shirt with the Omnipotent Seal of Good Fortune . Simply specify which size you'd like in the comments section of the order form and we'll include this extraordinary shirt in your package.




And for the ladies and gentlemen who can live without pure magic in their pants, you're welcome to purchase a shirt from our store for $18.

On March 4th, 2010, Cordarounds sponsored the world's 9th-ranked Professional Eater, TIM "GRAVY" BROWN, in his attempt to eat 100 slices of pre-wrapped processed cheese in 10 minutes, for the chance to win a Cordarounds Limited-Edition Reversable Disco-Ball Jacket!!

Watch live video from gravyvision on Justin.tv
The Cordarounds 100-Slice Challenge

DID HE CONQUER THAT LACTOSE EVEREST? DID HE WIN A LIMITED EDITION CORDAROUNDS REVERSIBLE DISCO JACKET? If not, he almost certainly puked up over a pound of cheese - an internet first!

Cordarounds customers demand other-way thinking when it comes to design.   Why, it’s the very fabric of our brand.   So how do we address the trend of eco-consciousness that’s sweeping the fashion world like a tidal wave caused by melting polar ice caps?

Should our trousers be crafted from recycled dreadlocks, their buttons molded from regurgitated Tofurky?  In a perfect world, perhaps.   But our militant, opposite-oriented customers demand difference at all costs, even if a rookery of emperor penguins must be vaporized in the process. 

So our engineers set out to create the most consciously un-environmentally conscious trousers ever made.   They might look green, but rest assured they’re fabricated using only the most diabolical methods.  It’s what you asked for.  We hope you’re happy.

- The factory we built to produce these pants is made of only the stoutest, most ancient redwoods.  They were transported via smoke-belching steamships from the forests of Northern California to a repurposed oil platform, which we’ve thoughtfully anchored to a particularly biodiverse section of the Great Barrier Reef.  

- The thread that secures the button to each pair of pants came from the fibers of the now-extinct Cattus Vinum flower, which had contained a pollen that scientists believed could cure every form of cancer.

- Thanks to their nimble and steady paws, a leap of endangered snow leopards was enlisted to sew our famous red label onto the left ankle of each pair of pants.

- Each pair of trousers is glazed with 20 pounds of ozone-destroying cloroflouocarbons to ensure that the fabric stays soft and supple through repeated washings

- Each pair was hand-washed in a witches brew of fluids found at an abandoned Soviet biowarfare lab.   The hands of the washers no longer remain. 

- They’ve been flown around the world 75 times in a Concorde, for no particular reason.

- The dye we used to make our pants so preternaturally green was created by mixing the tears of Iron Eyes Cody with the pulverized remnants of mankind’s last known piece of kryptonite, the destruction of which, we regret to inform you, has ushered in the murderous, thousand year reign of General Zod.

Our marketing department desperately needs your assistance. Please, put down whatever you’re doing right now (save for surgeons and those seeking world records in hippopotamus-juggling) and help them make sure that folks know how to spell our name!

A typical scenario goes like this: You’re at a moonshine-tasting, and some gentleman with a large, gravy-clotted beard looks at your trousers and exclaims, "Lordy! Where in tarnation you git them fine breeches?" You kindly pass on the gospel of Cordarounds, but by the time this curious fellow sits down at his computer, he’s typing in "Roundaroys," "Cordohboys," or "Roundandaroundandarounds.com." He may even be doing this on a manual typewriter, which makes finding our Web site even more difficult.

So, dear Cordarounds enthusiasts, if you cannot avoid future moonshine tastings, opium bees, or peyote fun-runs, make sure that you’re carrying our new trading cards to help convey the important transfer of Cordarounds brand knowledge.



That's right: With the release this week of beautiful, navy blue Cordarounds with Saipan liners, we issue our first batch of official Cordarounds trading cards -- tokens you can pass out to curious hill folk, trouser enthusiasts, and the women who will invariably want to know more about the man in the horizontal corduroy pants. For investment purposes, we also suggest that you place a few in a hermetically sealed vault, as they are sure to soon rival XFL cards in value!




Each pack of trading cards comes with new collections of photos of our pants in action -- mostly pictures submitted by folks like you!

 

 

It’s our way of thanking our customers for their support. It’s also our way of giving our marketing staff a couple weeks off, so they can focus on diffusing tensions between North and South Korea.

 

In response to reports this week of trouserless hordes rampaging through America's public transit systems, the President has raised the national pant-threat level to an unprecedented brown!






Thank goodness this spate of bottomless bedlam coincides with the release of a special batch of Cordarounds brown britches! Why, what better way to show your support for the rule of law than by wearing a pair of these trousers, lovingly crafted by the Internet's all-American haberdashery -- in coordination with the Department of Homeland Security.


On the outside, they’re a rich, full-bodied brown -- much like that of a Kodiak bear, his fur glistening from a fresh kill. Inside, however, you'll find a sublime Opiate liner, so named because it conjures up visions of a far gentler milieu. (Remember those dreamy weeks in the Orient, curled up in the darkened corner of Baron Chou's basement brothel, tethered to an opium pipe? Now you surely will.)


These limited-edition corduroy trousers are live in our store. Rest assured you'll be the envy of panted and pantless patriots alike when you slip on a pair of these brown beauties.


What can you do to stop pantlessness in America? Click here to purchase a pair of Cordarounds. Or click here to join a trouser militia in your hometown.

What's Black Friday? Why, that's the day when retailers rejoice as their balance sheets pass at last from red to black. To sentimental companies like Cordarounds, it's a holiday more momentous than Easter, Independence Day, and Christmas combined. But why is there no Easter Bunny, Uncle Sam, or jolly St. Nick to represent Black Friday? Why doesn't this venerable holiday have its own Tom Turkey, Guy Fawkes, or Elvira?


Because this Friday is so very important to the health of our economy, Cordarounds recently convened an emergency meeting at the National Department of Commerce and Folklore to create a roster of mascots sure to raise consumer confidence during this all-important holiday.

For your consideration:

1. Ulysses the Unicorn:  Legend has it that one moonless night many ages ago, the mighty black unicorn Ulysses, brave Equine Lord of the Magick Realm, did gallop through the tiny village at the foot of the Mystic Mountain , whinnying and neighing in dismay, for none of the shoppes were advertising blowout sales. So as Ulysses clippity-clopped down the cobblestone street, he did perforate all the shoppe signs with his deadly obsidian horn, slashing their posted prices as he went.

2. Olaf the Bear Slayer: Throughout December 1993, holiday shoppers in the Yukon Territory stayed indoors due to an explosion in the black bear population. Even trips to the outhouse and the smokehouse were postponed for fear of bear mauling. That is, until Olaf Pfinkle, legendary hockey enforcer from the Sookum Flyers, escaped from an insane asylum. He quickly took to the streets, slashing bears he mistook as hirsute defensemen from the Klondike Marmots. Suffice it to say, Mother Nature's ursine siege was lifted, and the territory's shopping-starved citizens soon swarmed its six or seven stores, consuming with a fury no less savage than Pfinkle himself.

Ever since, families celebrate Black Friday with a hearty meal of braised bear loin stuffed with bear cub, which is then stuffed with a harlequin duck -- a dish commonly known as Grrrr-ducken.

3. Torro the Toro: For most of the year, Benito the Bull lives an unassuming life on the professional rodeo tour. But on Black Friday, he dons his black mask and becomes Torro! -- savage stimulator of holiday sales. The cleverly disguised beast can be seen rampaging through America 's malls, shopping centers, and discount outlets, chasing terrified consumers off the streets and into places of commerce. Penny-pinchers and nay-saying economists beware: get bullish about fantastic after-Thanksgiving savings, lest the horns of this mysterious masked beast gouge the letter "T" into your midsection.

Every autumn, millions of American men tragically go pantless while their fellow citizens turn a blind eye.

This is the terrible affliction known as Pantlessteria -- more commonly referred to as Sansapant Syndrome, Trousernot, or Nay Slacks disease.

Fortunately, there is a cure -- and it's just clicks away at Cordarounds.com. That's where our scientists, in partnership with the National Institutes of Health and Johns Hopkins University, are working around the clock to develop Bike to Work pants, horizontal-corduroy trousers, and other solutions to this most pressing problem.

From hip to heel, Cordarounds has you covered. But don’t be fooled by home remedies for pantlessness or black market imitations (see below). You can only buy our pants online.

During Pants Awareness Month, Cordarounds needs your help. Please send us photos of yourself flashing the sign of trouser victory (on right), so that we can build a trillion-pixel pyramid of pant pride. Yes, email those images to chris AT cordarounds.com, and together we'll cure the world of pantlessness -- on the streets, at home, in bed, even in the shower.

Are you pantless and in need of immediate assistance? Call 1-800-694-9491 or visit our catalog.

Yes, our famed Bike-to-Work pants are back and we're celebrating the arrival of the autumnal time change with a contest on the Web's famed DIY site, Instructables.com.  

 

Watch over the next month as ingenious makers create novel ways to Light up the night, and if you're handy man, you can compete to win an Urban Awareness Jacket or new pair of Cordarounds pants.

 

With times a changin' and evening rides getting darker, consider a pair of reflective bike-to-work pants for your next commute.   You can find 'em in our catalog.