This week, the Newspaper of Record proclaimed that Cauliflower ears are in! -- old news to Cordarounds readers who were tipped off on this fashion trend back in 2006. This proves, once again, that life imitates art and horizontal corduroy remains on the bleeding edge of style and suffering.
FLASHBACK!
SAN FRANCISCO, Sept. 21 — Say farewell to Metro. All hail the dawn of the Cromagnosexual. This fall, the most stylish men on the planet are wearing Cordarounds’ hearty horizontal-corduroy pants ...and "suffering" moderate to severe cases of cauliflower ear.
The medical community calls it "destruction of cartilage due to trauma that results in a thickened and deformed ear," but leading fashionistas from New York to Shanghai report that these funky lobes will be cruising the runways in ’06. Accompanied, of course, by pairs of Cordarounds, long recognized as the perfect pant for today's hottest rugby injuries.
Famed trend seer Coco Pitts explained the new Cromagno look thusly: "A pair of Cordarounds trousers not only looks scrum-ptious, the meshing, horizontal corduroy wales reduce crotch-heat friction, sending sperm counts skyrocketing to caveman levels. Combine that with cauliflower ear -- a trademark occupational hazard of the Neanderthal -- and you’ve got a hot look that says, 'I'm a hunter-gatherer who works hard – and plays violently! I'm Cromagno!"
Indeed, the formerly Metro are hurrying to join the maul in the hopes of getting that perfect, mangled ear to complement their new pair of Cordarounds. What’s more, plastic surgeons are reporting a sharp increase in the number of patients requesting cosmetic cauliflowerings. Says Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland: “Naturally, the rough and tumble will be drawn to our hearty trousers in 2006, creating a style combination that’s going to be hard to beat -- even with a caveman's club.”
Lindland then removed a pair of earmuffs to reveal his own swollen and malformed ear stubs. "Cromagno," he declared, briefly wincing at the pain.
*If you have a photo of yourself wearing Cordarounds and would like to complete the look with a rugger's cauliflower ear (but want to spare yourself the dangers of the scrum), write us and we'll send you a Cauliflower ear of your very own.
The Golden Push was a resounding success. In 8 hours, nearly 200 people pushed Tyler from the Mission all the way to the Goldengate. Our sponsored athlete battled feral children and an overactive bladder to reach his objective by 4:45. MacNiven's remarkable, people-powered production was covered by the EXAMINER, THE CHRONICLE, and KFOG.
Cordarounds is in every sense a global enterprise -- well, excluding the World Music sense. So while we're a humble, two-man business making clothing in San Francisco, the fact that we only sell online means that you, dear customer, must compete for our latest styles with the likes of fashion-conscious Belarusian mobsters, Papuan New Guinea tribesman and members of the Easter Island Elks Lodge, to name just a few.
Today we're embracing our World Wide Web identity by renaming our company ÇØRDÅRØÜÑDS, a name that's appropriately international, but one that we have no idea how to pronounce.
To celebrate, we're selling these attractive t-shirts for men and for women. We've also produced this particularly unhelpful ÇØRDÅRØÜÑDS pronunciation video.
So if you're in search of a conversational summer shirt, proceed immediately to our store. And if you happen to be good with languages, please help us crack the linguistic code of our new name, as we sincerely look forward to saying it ourselves.
Whenever someone snaps a shot of you wearing our pants, you become a Cordarounds Model Citizen. Since all of our models are rank amateurs, joining their ranks is just that simple.
Of course, many of our Model Citizens are also global citizens. This spring, we've received images of Cordarounds adventurers from Tajikistan to Texas, but none quite compare to the work of Timothy Wheaton, a man whose photographic and pant-wearing skills are legendary -- and now on display in this hilarious new book.
After Cordarounds agreed to send him on an all-expenses-paid paddleboat tour of Luxembourg, Tim generously decided to lend us a collection of his finest photos featuring himself, appropriately airborne, in our aerodynamic pants. And we're just pleased as punch to share them with you today.
Wait, what are those pants he's wearing? Legendary Discoballrounds -- perhaps our greatest creation to date, not to mention as rare and valuable as a Fabergé egg.
SPRING, Texas -- On May 2, at precisely 2:30 local time, members of Ms. McKey's English class watched in awe as a trouser-shaped UFO descended from the heavens, landing just shy of the end zone in Leonard George Stadium (home of the Lions).
Upon closer inspection, the intrepid students discovered curious "Cord-a-locator" cards in the pockets as well as a shiny Sacajawea dollar coin -- proof that these were not just any airborne trousers, but authentic Cordarounds summer trousers, the very ones that took flight (see video) from the from San Francisco's Fort Mason on April 22nd.
While the original destination for these soaring pants was Niagara Falls , the jet stream conspired to carry our new summer cords toward more southerly climes, where the warmer weather demands an ultra-light trouser.
Click to view a slideshow of our summer line, with photos of Ms. McKey's class proudly posing with the pair of pants that will one day hang beside the Spirit of St. Louis in the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum.
On Tuesday , Earth Day, a vessel of hope took flight from San Francisco -- a pair of helium-borne trousers that rose into the firmament, and then traveled eastward upon the breath of angels.
And why? To prove an important point: That cords can be worn all summer long. They're not just any corduroy, of course, but Cordarounds' new ultra-lightweight, nano-wale trousers.
Weighing in at a scant .65 lbs, these feathery trousers need a mere 11 cubic feet of helium to go airborne -- to the envy of common khakis, jeans, and other comparatively leaden summer pants, the helium buoyancy of which is detailed below.
Given this compelling data, as well as our pants' incredible thermodynamic properties, there's simply no reason to wear anything else this summer, even when swimming or hot tubbin'.
For anyone who wears pants and dreams of flight, a veritable air squadron of light summer trousers lies on the tarmac that is our online store.
The newest competitor in the $30 million Google Lunar X PRIZE is neither an engineer nor a pilot. In fact, he never advanced beyond his third, gin-soaked semester at the University of Mississippi-Molassesburg. But 56-year-old Sylvester Boggs-Cockrell is nothing if not a determined and courtly Southern gentleman. And when this scion of the South first learned of the international competition to send a robot to the moon, he set down his glass of iced tea, rubbed his fine white whiskers contemplatively, and exclaimed, "Mercy me, how I would so delight in beating those Yankee rapscallion tin-men to the moon myself!"
And so began a leisurely but nevertheless earnest attempt to claim the X PRIZE, with Boggs-Cockrell himself at the helm.
The aeronautical world has thus far approached the Boggs-Cockrell lunar module, recently christened "Ol' Magnolia," with no small amount of skepticism. The craft is being constructed of stout hickory timbers, with a fine tin roof that will "pitter-patter pleasantly with the impact of tiny meteors," according to Boggs-Cockrell mission control director, Big Glenda.
Ol' Magnolia will be fueled by a 15,000 hog-power diesel locomotive engine, retrofitted to run on a high-octane whiskey blend. It will also include a handsome screened-in front porch, complete with rocking chairs and a pressurized sleeping berth for General Sassafras, Boggs-Cockrell's loyal blue tick hound. But perhaps the spaceship's most distinctive feature is its seersucker outer shell, constructed from the same material that gives Cordarounds Suckerlab pants their incredible cooling properties, even in the sweatiest of summers. Reportedly, Boggs-Cockrell was so enamored of his own Cordarounds seersuckers that he insisted his engineering team swaddle the craft from top to bottom in the luxuriously puckered fabric, protecting it during its fiery reentry into Earth's atmosphere.
"It shall be the finest astro-craft ever to sail the celestial seas," said Boggs-Cockrell in his usual gracious manner. "I will be delivered to the moon in comfort and style, and I will stroll about its surface to my heart's content, as my competitors' mechanical ne'er-do-wells observe from afar my victorious toasts with a tall gin fizz!
"And upon my return," continued Boggs-Cockrell, "I will worry not a whit about excessive perspiration, thanks to the seersucker ensconcing my stately vessel ¯ as well as my cool and dewy-fresh nether regions!"
Cordarounds, famed purveyor of horizontal corduroy pants, today launches a daring initiative to sew seersucker in directions once thought impossible, namely checkerized, puckerized, and side-to -side.
El Maestro: Precisely 90 degrees cooler than traditional seersucker pants.
Specs: Plain green 5 pocket horizontal seersucker pants with Evil Eye slit rear pockets.
Unlike vertical seersucker puckers, which whisk radiant heat from asphalt to crotch to form an uncomfortable and possibly incendiary column of superheated air, Lindland's horizontal ThermoSucka technolgy creates a 462-pucker barrier from heel to crotch (504 for longs!), safely insulating natures' most precious equipment from the ravages of summer swelter.
And with the seersucker puckers aligned horizontally, wearers will enjoy extreme aerodynamic advantages over vertically-oriented adversaries. You will become widely known as the Green Flash -- a rare, quick-as-a-wink phenomenon.
Not so fast! Test after test of the advanced aerodynamics of our horizontal seersucker trousers leads to behavior, perhaps, unbecoming of a seersucker wearer -- our customers moved a bit too fast.
While the pants perform marvelously, cutting the wind like samurai swords through sweltering tofu, the aerodynamic seersucker has the unintended consequence ofspeeding up their entire lives. Southern gentlemen spin yarns too quickly. Kentuckians shoot, not sip their mint Juleps. Grooms speed-read their vows. And a Nantucket yachtsman clocked a 9.8 second 100 when stumbling home from Stiffy McCorkle's Tavern.
We went back to the drawing board, and rather than commit the sin of making our seersucker vertical, our engineers came up with a clever solution: More Pucker for your Sucker.
To counteract the phenomenon known as The Quickening, our engineers created checkered seersucker, boosting our pants pucker by a full 1 mm to affect a parachute-like slowdown. While trapping heat on the way up, they billow slightly more to catch the wind as it races around the seersucker grooves.
Fashionable? Yes. Functional? But of course. Dangerously high speed? Only if you dare.
Southern Gentleman Approved: Our Trusty Khakis
Specs: Classic, sideflash horizonta seersucker pants with patch rear pockets.
A team of scientists from SuckerLab traveled to the famed leisure proving grounds of Worthington P. Chesterfield’s wide and gracious front porch to put our classic horizontal seersucker pants to the test -- the Southern Gentleman test.
Under rigorous analysis, they scored high marks in all manner of Southern Gentlemanly arts (see findings on right). And why shouldn't they? After all, these pants were sewn in San Francisco's South of Market district by ladies who hail from southern China. And you can acquire a pair for well south of $100. It doesn’t get much more Southern than that, does it? Until our pant scientists figure out how to fabricate them out of sweet tea, we don’t think so.
Our seersucker pants have been engineered specifically for casual use in hazy, lazy days of summer--on porches, on beaches, on stoops, preferably with an iced beverage in hand. In test after clinical test, our spring khakis are precisely 90 degrees cooler than tradition vertical seersucker. A fact not lost on Worthington himself, who declares, “ and I do declare…you’re far cooler in suckers whose puckers go‘round."
SAN FRANCISCO, April 16 — Tony Bennett may have left his heart in San Francisco, but a tourist recently discovered that you can leave your arm there as well. That is, when local fashionistas convince you to stick your arm into a dark and foreboding grotto – a grotto that happens to be occupied by a large and remorseless sea lion, whose insatiable appetite for human flesh is exceeded only by his remarkable capacity to accurately predict the onset of the summer fashion season!
Perpetually shrouded in a thick fog, San Franciscans have for years employed a most unusual method for figuring out if warm, summer weather is in the cards, a time-tested ritual that has drawn comparisons to Punxsutawney Phil, the famous weather-predicting groundhog. Each April, Bay Area designers dupe an unsuspecting visitor to reach into the bone-strewn lair of Frisco Frank, an impossibly ferocious sea lion, and attempt to feed him a crab. If the sea lion takes the crustacean, then chances are the summer swelter will be late. If, however, Frank rips the person’s arm off with his powerful jaws, then – rejoice! – white-pants weather is just around the corner. Indeed, the sight of a horrified tourist stumbling along Fisherman’s Wharf as his or her bloody stump flails in the cool morning breeze means it’s time to start buying the latest summer fashion – like Summerounds horizontal seersucker pants and shorts.
“Clearly, the long, hot summer is upon us,” said Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland, coolly observing Frisco Frank devour tourist Todd Murphy’s left arm. “Time for cold, refreshing beverages and cool, seersucker pants and shorts like these." This year’s Summerounds come in new colors, with new linen liners and more pucker. They’re stylish and also surprisingly high-tech – reportedly at least 90 degrees cooler than traditional seersucker pants.
Historical note: Few doubt Frisco Frank’s powers of prognostication or sense of style. Legend has it that Levi Strauss, another notable San Francisco pant maker, would con hapless gold prospectors into feeding the sea lion with arms swathed in different fabrics. Frank’s extraordinary appetite for denim inspired Straus to design jeans, particularly in the color blue.
We're fed up with the exorbitant cost of renting in San Francisco, so we've decided to move the entire Cordarounds operation onto our brand-new airship as soon as possible. That's right, the world's finest horizontal corduroy pants will be produced amongst the clouds. Soaring eagles will inspire our scientists; brilliant sunshine will invigorate our seamstresses. It's one more reason to feel superior when you slip on a pair.
But we're going to need help. Lots of help. The Cordarounds Zeppelin will require hundreds of able-bodied crew members, from pilots to Pilates instructors. Of course, liftoff may be later rather than sooner (see funds raised below), so there’s plenty of time for you to begin training. All you need is the right attitude and at least one pair of horizontal corduroy trousers. Remember, we’re not looking for just anyone, we’re looking for anyone who wears pants.
All positions will carry the "aero-” prefix, making even the most mundane endeavor significantly more important-sounding (Aeroaccountant -- now that's more than a job, that's an adventure!) In addition, our salaries and comprehensive benefits package are among the best in the airborne pant-manufacturing industry.
Current job openings:
Aerochef: Duties will include overseeing the harpooning and gourmet preparation of geese and other migratory fowl.
Aeroconductor: Responsible for leading our in-house symphony orchestra in thunderous Wagnerian overtures whenever the Cordarounds Zeppelin appears on the horizon.
Aeroaristocrat: Pompous dandy, professional layabout, with blood bluer than the stratosphere. Manages compulsory cocktail hour(s).
Aerostrongman: Will do the business’ "heavy lifting," both literally and figuratively -- mostly literally. Minimum three years of handlebar-mustache growth required.
AeroC++ Engineer, Level 5: Conceptual understanding of software design process, with focus on database and data analytics. Knowlege of Perl and formation. Wing-walking experience encouraged.
AeroAquanaut: Did we mention our Olympic-sized swimming pool?
We're as new to Zeppelineering as you are. So if you have skills that would make you uniquely suited for our airship, or know of a position the Zeppelin can't do without, please add it to the comments section by clicking below.
COUNTY KERRY, Ireland (Feb. 5, 2008) -- Angry, naked and cold, several hundred sheep gathered today in the Beaufort town square to protest the recent loss of their resplendent ebony wool, a situation organizers have called nothing less than a total fleecing of their basic ovine rights. Amid a chorus of bleating and chattering teeth, the so-called "Frozen Flock" claimed that overwhelming demand for Cordarounds authentic black sheep crewneck sweaters has robbed them of their fine black coats, leaving them, quite literally, out in the cold during the icy Irish winter.
"Bah! We thought these sweaters would finally give us the respect we deserved," said mighty Orion, King of all Black Sheep. "But Cordarounds keeps taking our wool, month after freezing month. Bah!"
Bah, indeed. Since Cordarounds released its black sheep sweaters last November, the San Francisco-based online clothier has experienced insatiable demand for the finely woven figures of speech, forcing the company to deprive Orion and the rest of his friends of their highly coveted coverings. And with the fourth production run of sweaters, there's sure to be more wool on the backs of Cordarounds customers than Kerry's entire population of black sheep, making for some very unhappy ungulates.
"The other farm animals now shun us more than ever," said Orion, nude and shivering. "If we black sheep are ever to graze the paddock in peace again, the shearing simply must cease!"
And it will. This is the last batch of black sheep sweaters Cordarounds will offer until next autumn. They're available now at Cordarounds.com. But with only 70 in stock, customers need to act fast. Before the sheep do.
The world of tactile technology was satisfied with "soft as a baby's bottom" as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something "softer than" the aforementioned infant's posterior was suggesting a theoretical, quantum world of soft that existed beyond anything man could conceive.
That is, until researchers at the Cordarounds Livermore Laboratory invented the Tactile Soft-o-meter, a device that can detect and compare the density of softrons, the subatomic units of softness. And while this has proven a Nobel worthy discovery, our scientists could not simply rest on their laurels.
Using this newfound knowledge, they set out to line the pockets of our world famous reversible smoking jackets. And so comfy was the fabric they developed, so rich and impossibly supple, that test subjects had to have their hands removed from the coat pockets with the Jaws of Life. Success!
But what to name this miracle material? Again and again, the Soft-o-meter produced a result that had our marketing department in a nervous titter. But we're scientists dammit, not salesmen, and if the Soft-meter says this fabric measures "Vagisoft" within a standard deviation of one softron, so it shall be named!
This week, we celebrate our scientific breakthrough with an irresistible, limited edition Valentiens gift -- the Vagisoft blanket. Now, for the low price of $50, you can envelop yourself in Vagisoft and experience the in-pocket paradise that lies within each and every Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket.
Are these blankets wonderful gifts for friends, family and loved ones? Yes.
Winnie-Mae Snotblossom, Powerball winner from Omaha, Nebraska, writes:
"Dear Cordarounds, I'd like to buy 741 sweaters to swaddle every Snotblossom on Earth this Christmas. For obvious reasons, members of my extended family are used to feeling like black sheep. Is it too late to purchase?
Sorry, Miss Snotblossom. While our army of elves is furiously shipping last-minute Christmas pants and jackets through Friday, we regret to report that our sweaters are on backorder.
So popular are our Black Sheep sweaters, we had to arrange an emergency airlift from the County Kerry auxiliary air force (seen below), which promised to ship them by January 2, if they can find the keys to their biplane in time.
Meanwhile, we have a novel gift idea -- both for customers with sweaters on back order as well as Miss Snotblossom and everyone else thinking about a last minute gift purchase: the Blacksheep IOU.
Simply print out this PDF -- with its very special message from noble Orion, King of all Sheep -- adorn it with a festive ribbon, and place it under the tree. The black sheep of your family will be thrilled to receive his or her very own figure of speech, even if it requires a couple week's wait.
And for all those who find themselves on Christmas Eve without a gift to give and would rather not face the indignity of a last-minute mall excursion, you are welcome to use it, too. No need to pay immediately, just whenever you or they are ready to receive it.
On Tuesday, November 27th, we embarked on an ambitious LIVE entertainment experiment -- the Pied Piper of Booze. The big idea: to subject our reversible smoking jacket to the rigors of a all-day bender and, more importantly, to see if we could broadcast a 9 to 5 adventure as it happened.
The result: SUCCESS. The Piper was even covered by the local news and Wired. Click to watch the clips below, then read below to learn how we put it all together.
As you've discovered by now, these are 6 of the top episodes from the Piper's mighty Vlog. Everything's hosted on Zannel, a company that lets you instantly broadcast video from phones to the Internet for folks to view online or on mobile phones.
Huge credit is due to Bill Bowles from mynameisbill.com who filmed and quickly edited these segments for broadcast. Check out his 5 month, round the world story if you demand hours of uplifting entertainment.
Now we know that an live, 9-5 story is fun to watch at work. All we have to figure out narratives that won't turn us into alcoholics.
Yes. Today, November 27th, we're proud to unleash a new low in high technology: a 9-to-5 alcohol-fueled video adventure that you can follow live in the Cordarounds Thinktank. Every 2 hours, you'll see an action-packed Pied Piper Report in the Mondo viewer up top. Every 15 minutes or so, there will be a live report broadcast from expensive video phones in the MY LATEST UPDATES window below. It all adds up to a live adventure you can follow all day. San Franciscans are invited to ditch work and join in. The action starts at 9AM Pacific. Is that a reversible smoking jacket he's wearing? Why yes it is.
*viewing tip: expand the screen within the widget for a wider view*
Cordarounds.com is flush with photos of regular folks wearing our pants. So it's a rare honor to receive a VIDEO tribute from a celebrity like Les Norbert, North Carolina's most famous Game Show Host and Voice Talent. Watch and learn as Les uncovers Cordarounds' magic cumberbund technology.
Cordarounds Adventurer Emeritus Wellington Stack has always been ready to take his Cordarounds to the limit, whenever and wherever duty calls. Recently, we asked him to subject our trousers to a grueling test of gluttony – and report back in time for the Thanksgiving holiday. The question at hand: Could Cordarounds survive a stomach-expanding meal of Thanksgiving-like proportions, without its button rocketing forth from its stitching? Mr. Stack’s dispatch follows.
BY WELLINGTON STACK
A crisp, October morning found me in a somnolent tavern in the meat-weaving district of Kathmandu, utterly exhausted, a flagon of rakshi in hand. I had arrived from the Nepalese hinterland only days earlier after one of the most difficult Cordarounds field tests yet. It had left me bloodied, concussed and in need of an appendectomy – to say nothing of my Cordarounds, which were dusty and redolent of soot and yak dung. But that’s the price one pays for two days of nonstop breakdancing with angry Gurkhas to assess the durability of our zippers. Now, I was recuperating with strong drink and an indomitable will to survive another day – and put another pair of Cordarounds through its paces.
Be careful what you wish for! No sooner than had I taken off my boots and curled up for a nap that the satellite phone rang. It was headquarters, instructing me to catch the next flight to Atlanta, Georgia, where, in advance of Thanksgiving, I would subject a fresh pair of Cordarounds to the rigors of a greasy, gluttonous meal. If I failed, horizontal corduroy would have no place at the dinner table on Turkey Day! And the ghost of Miles Standish would surely haunt me forever. I quickly gathered my rucksack and souvenir “Kat Man Dude” tee-shirts, bade Chhongba a tearful farewell, and headed for the airport.
Two days and 8,000 miles later, my Olive Cordarounds and I arrived at venerable Mulligans Bar to take on the Ultimate Hamdog. (Lindland scientists had concluded that with a side of tater tots and several cans of beer, the Ultimate Hamdog was the caloric, if not aesthetic, equivalent of a full Thanksgiving meal.) Soon, the mélange of hot dog, hamburger, bacon, cheese, onions, chili and egg arrived at the bar in a formidable, steaming heap. This would not be an easy task, certainly no less challenging than my last unicycle dash across the DMZ while eating a sack of kimchee. I took a deep breath, and drew my first forkful.
Seemingly disinterested in my gustatory adventure were the precious few bar patrons – just a small group of very short men drinking Schnapps and throwing darts, and a gentleman in a waist coat and baggy breeches, who had introduced himself as an adult-diaper salesman. This was lonely work indeed. At times like these, my old friend Chhongba used to say that it is good to fight like the leopard, but it is also good to run like the hare, and, sometimes, it is wise to sit like a melancholy bull and say nothing. I used this thoughtful but ultimately inappropriate piece of wisdom to distract me from a growing feeling of suffocation. So much meat, and in so many forms! I’ll admit that I thought about quitting. But each time I felt my mouth filling beyond its natural limits with fat and oozing cheese, I thought about the Pilgrims. I thought about America. And I looked down at my lap and thought about my Cordarounds.
So I pressed on. After what seemed like an eternity, a gentle hand came to rest on my shoulder. It was the adult-diaper salesman. “A job most well-done, my friend,” he said, motioning toward my empty plate. Empty! As if emerging from a dream, I realized that I had somehow managed to eat the entire Ultimate Hamdog. And my pants had weathered the strain without so much as a loose stitch! Yes, Cordarounds had passed the gluttony test. As I dialed headquarters to deliver the good news, I couldn’t help announcing to everyone in the bar that horizontal corduroy was now officially Thanksgiving-approved.
“What the hell does that mean?” one of the dart throwers barked. The adult-diaper salesman slowly turned to me and winked.
“You’ll know soon enough,” he said, with a hearty laugh. “You’ll know soon enough!” And then, incredibly, we watched him don a black-buckled hat and vanish into thin air.
“My God!” the dart thrower yelped, spilling his Schnapps everywhere, “That was the ghost of Miles Standish!”
If you have any questions for Wellington Stack, pant adventurer, don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section of the Cordarounds Mailbag (after Wellington’s story). He’s certain to reply.
As you may know, the grooves on corduroy pants are called "Wales", like the country not the beasts that roam our seas.
While humankind, in all its madness, prefers vertically oriented wales nearly 1,000,000,000 to 1, the Cetacean population has yet to weigh in on the debate that currently embroils the corduroy world.
Cordarounds customer, Dylan MacNiven, set off on an important market research survey to acertain pant preference among the Humpback population that terrorizes the Northern Californian Coast. These photos -- published here before Nature magazine --clearly demonstrate an affinity for Cordarounds.
So compelling is MacNiven's research that we're forced to issue this important safety warning to our customers:
*** NEVER SWIM IN WHALE-INFESTED SEAS WEARING CORDAROUNDS ***
So we’re small. But we think preposterously big. And after a few pints at the Blackhorse Pub, bigger still. So at 2:00 AM Pacific, we proudly announce our Global Advertising Campaign…the Cordarounds Zeppelin!
Yes, now that we’ve sold pants to customers as far away as Dar es Salaam, we've built up a modest advertising budget. Of course we could go the standard route, placing ads in such venerable publications as Filbert’s Haberdashers Quarterly, Pant and Leg, and The Corduroy Intelligencer. But instead, Cordarounds has decided to build a blimp so big that it blots out the sun.
Know that with each Cordarounds purchase, you're not only getting a pair of world-class, aerodynamic corduroy pants, you're contributing to a much bigger cause -- a cause so big, it will be able to house a crew of 500, plus livestock.
But that's not the only way you can help. Cordarounds zeppelin scientists recently submitted their so-called "Pant Dreadnought" design (pictured above). While their work is practically infallible, we like to keep the heat on them, so your zeppelin ideas are also welcome.
Please send all design suggestions to fans@cordarounds.com. Valuable feeback will be posted in our blog. By our calculations, the maiden voyage is a mere 10 million pant sales away.
At long last, Cordarounds has a drug subculture to call its own. We'd been holding out for Shoe Goo sniffing, but according to the latest edition of Details Magazine, our pants are the hottest look in opium dens from Rangoon to Richmond, VA. Read for yourself in expose. Yes!
So today, we proudly announce a strategic partnership with opium lord Baron Chou to explore synergies in the pant and poppy trades. Together we can stimulate the Afghan economy and deliver best-of-breed corduroy solutions wherever his ilicits are solicited.
Note: the gentleman in this photo is not wearing Cordarounds, he's wearing our Summerounds seersucker pants, which are now on sale in our store.
This week, the Newspaper of Record proclaimed that Cauliflower ears are in! -- old news to Cordarounds readers who were tipped off on this fashion trend back in 2006. This proves, once again, that life imitates art and horizontal corduroy remains on the bleeding edge of style and suffering. 
The Golden Push was a resounding success. In 8 hours, nearly 200 people pushed Tyler from the Mission all the way to the Goldengate. Our sponsored athlete battled feral children and an overactive bladder to reach his objective by 4:45. MacNiven's remarkable, people-powered production was covered by the 
The newest competitor in the $30 million Google Lunar X PRIZE is neither an engineer nor a pilot. In fact, he never advanced beyond his third, gin-soaked semester at the University of Mississippi-Molassesburg. But 56-year-old Sylvester Boggs-Cockrell is nothing if not a determined and courtly Southern gentleman. And when this scion of the South first learned of the international competition to send a robot to the moon, he set down his glass of iced tea, rubbed his fine white whiskers contemplatively, and exclaimed, "Mercy me, how I would so delight in beating those Yankee rapscallion tin-men to the moon myself!"
But perhaps the spaceship's most distinctive feature is its seersucker outer shell, constructed from the same material that gives Cordarounds Suckerlab pants their incredible cooling properties, even in the sweatiest of summers. Reportedly, Boggs-Cockrell was so enamored of his own Cordarounds seersuckers that he insisted his engineering team swaddle the craft from top to bottom in the luxuriously puckered fabric, protecting it during its fiery reentry into Earth's atmosphere.
A team of scientists from SuckerLab traveled to the famed leisure proving grounds of Worthington P. Chesterfield’s wide and gracious front porch to put our classic horizontal seersucker pants to the test -- the Southern Gentleman test.
your arm into a dark and foreboding grotto – a grotto that happens to be occupied by a large and remorseless sea lion, whose insatiable appetite for human flesh is exceeded only by his remarkable capacity to accurately predict the onset of the summer fashion season!
The world of tactile technology was satisfied with "soft as a baby's bottom" as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something "softer than" the aforementioned infant's posterior was suggesting a theoretical, quantum world of soft that existed beyond anything man could conceive.
BY WELLINGTON STACK
Seemingly disinterested in my gustatory adventure were the precious few bar patrons – just a small group of very short men drinking Schnapps and throwing darts, and a gentleman in a waist coat and baggy breeches, who had introduced himself as an adult-diaper salesman. This was lonely work indeed. At times like these, my old friend Chhongba used to say that it is good to fight like the leopard, but it is also good to run like the hare, and, sometimes, it is wise to sit like a melancholy bull and say nothing. I used this thoughtful but ultimately inappropriate piece of wisdom to distract me from a growing feeling of suffocation. So much meat, and in so many forms! I’ll admit that I thought about quitting. But each time I felt my mouth filling beyond its natural limits with fat and oozing cheese, I thought about the Pilgrims. I thought about America. And I looked down at my lap and thought about my Cordarounds. 
As you may know, the grooves on corduroy pants are called "Wales", like the country not the beasts that roam our seas.
